Vincent Watches...

1x06- Vitamin D

Will’s upset because the Glee kids are slacking off. They’ve lost their competitive edge. So, in order to spark some friendly competition, Will divides the group into boys and girls and has them perform mashups at the end of the week. The winning team’s mashup will be the opening number for sectionals. Also, that’s a terrible tie.

Continuing her plan to destroy Glee, Sue plants some seeds of doubt in Terri regarding Will/Emma. She tells Terri to infiltrate McKinley High by applying for the nurse position, even though she isn’t qualified. Though, Principal Figgins doesn’t really give a shit, so she gets the job. Also, Sue delivers this classic line: “I never wanted kids. Don’t have the time, don’t have the uterus.”

Finn’s so tired, what with being a quarterback, a lead vocalist, and popular. He goes to see Terri in her new position as the school nurse, and she gives him “Vitamin D” (but really it’s speed, right?) and then he’s bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and ready to perform with the guys of Glee. What’s better is that he brings enough for the whole group! They do a mash-up of Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life” and some other song called “Confessions” that I don’t know/care about. All I know is that you have to be high on something to think singing Bon Jovi is a great idea. Either way, the guys are pretty awesome, and the ladies realize they don’t have it in the bag after all. 

This was such a great Glee moment. Rachel and Quinn have a heart-to-heart of sorts, wherein Quinn acknowledges that she’s a bitch and Rachel forgives her, and asks her to come back to Glee. She has a great little monologue about how no one will judge her in Glee, and for once I almost got emotional in this show. Almost, not yet.

Terri works her evil magic and convinces Ken to propose to Emma, in the hopes of ending what may or may not be her husband’s affair. He’s a pussy, until Terri slips him some of her “Vitamin D”. 

Since Kurt’s allegiance is still with the ladies—he is gay, remember?—he tells the girls that the boys were all hopped up on vitamins during their number, which is why they kicked ass. Always one to play by the rules, Rachel confronts Finn. He’s too high to care.

So Rachel did want to play by the rules, but more than that, she wants to win and pick the opening number at Sectionals. Cut to her and the girl team downing this “Vitamin D” in paper cups. 

Ken proposes to Emma, who is borderline terrified. It’s a cubic zirconia ring from Zales. #nowthatswhatIcallaproposal. She can’t give him much in the way of answer, instead signaling with her eyes the horror behind them. 

The girls do an adorable rendition of “Halo/Walking On Sunshine”, which isn’t half-bad either. Emma serves as celebrity judge, and faces a very #whitegirlproblem when having to choose between the two. Her even bigger #whitegirlproblem is the weird sexual square of Will/Terri/Ken/Emma that won’t seem to budge. 

Terri finally confronts Emma on the alleged affair, and reminds her that Will is her possession. And while I usually hate Terri (especially her steal-Quinn’s-baby plot), this was a great little moment too. “Do yourself a favor, honey. Marry Ken Tanaka. Oh sure, he’s dumb like sand. And his fondue pot of nationalities is going to open your kids to a host of genetic diseases. But he’s kind. And he’s generous. And he’s available.”

Quinn has thought over Terri’s offer—ya know, the one where she just hides her pregnancy and gives Terri a baby, and Terri fakes her pregnancy and pretend Quinn’s kid is hers #foolproof—and she’s down. All systems go on this awful plan, which will bomb miserably. But when Quinn asks for some extra cash for doctors appointments, maternity clothes, and the like, Terri says no and runs away. 

This was touching, in a way. Basically, Emma and Ken acknowledge how pathetic they are. They set up some weird logistics that basically make them nothing but co-workers, but agree to have a “secret marriage” for whatever that means. 

Principal Figgins calls in Will and Terri after word gets out about Terri’s over-the-counter splurging. Figgins asks her to resign, and even tries to place blame on Mr. Shue for creating a competitive culture. He tells Will that Glee will now be co-chaired by someone with a responsibile track record, and my deaf brother, blind sister, and dog all text me to tell me “SUE, obviously.”

The Gleeks get reprimanded, they apologize, but the end is near…

That’s right, it’s Sue. #5pointstomydeafbrother #5pointstomyblindsister and #5pointstomydog (P.S.- Will’s face? #notamused)

GLEE

1X05- The Rhodes Not Taken

You’re gonna shit, but I loved this episode. Everything that I’ve come to hate about Glee usually amounts to an imbalance of ideas all at play in a chaotic, misdirected, unfocused episode. However, Glee should take a page from its own book and really learn from this episode. It got the mixture of humor, emotion, plot development, and even a little bit of camp, so right here. 

With Rachel still out of Glee, Will finds a loophole in the system and remembers a Gleek from his days at McKinley who never graduated, and therefore can still be considered a student (and a member of Glee). April Rhodes (played hysterically by Kristen Chenoweth, who usually bothers the shit out of me).

Much has changed since April’s days at McKinley high, when everybody thought she was destined for neon lights and all that jazz. Now, she’s an alcoholic hopped up on painkillers, squatting in a foreclosed mansion. Will makes it his mission to clean her up, and tells her to re-enroll at McKinley to finish up her degree. The show has made a theme these last few episodes about being “stuck” in the small town; it’s Finn’s biggest fear with Quinn’s recent pregnancy. And that whole motif never quite hit home with me, and I couldn’t figure out why. I’m from a small town, and always had the same worry that I’d be stuck there. (I wasn’t, thank you Jesus.) But when these pretty little white boys would say it, I couldn’t quite access it. But, for whatever reason, seeing what happened to April Rhodes, especially after you hear her SING, really resonated with me.

Her appearance in the show also makes for my favorite performance thus far, “Maybe This Time” done as a duo with Rachel. It’s chock-full of heart, and I totally enjoyed it. It comes halfway through the episode, and after it was when I realized I was actually enjoying the episode. I was a little embarrassed for myself. Even after her performance blows the roof off the practice room, the Glee kids are still hesitant. Will tells April to warm up to the kids a bit, and so she does—she gets Kurt drunk, teaches Mercedes and Tina how to steal, and has a steamy shower with Puck. And then all the Gleeks want her in the group!

Meanwhile, Finn tries to convince Rachel to come back to Glee, with an ugly ulterior motive. Convinced he’ll get a full-ride to college on a music scholarship, and thus a one-way ticket out of town, Finn needs Glee to place at Regionals to get name recognition. He’s no idiot, and knows that’s an impossibility without Rachel back in the group. So he butters her up by running lines for Cabaret with her. (Sidenote- best Finn/Rachel dialogue ever is as follows, Finn: You know what we should do? Rachel: Elope?) He convinces Rachel to go bowling with him to loosen up, 

Frustrated at being replaced in Glee so quickly, Rachel confronts April in the bathroom, staring head-on at a projection of herself in twenty years. April’s snarky and self-assured, and maybe Rachel realizes just a little bit how unbearable she herself can be at times. And we also get a great look into April’s character, who assimilates so seamlessly back into high school life and eats up all the attention she gets in the microcosm of McKinley High. 

Will tells April that she needs to clean up her act—the booze and the pills mostly—if she’s going to stay in Glee. He needs a lead like Rachel, one who makes Glee the only priority. She promises to get sober, back on the wagon, and make Will proud. In unrelated news, she’s drunk as a skunk when she makes this promise.

Finn and Rachel kiss again. He asks her to come back to Glee, one last time, and she does. The next day, Rachel walks back into class, blissfully unaware that Quinn is pregnant. After Puck drops the bomb on the group, they can’t held but be preoccupied when Rachel enters the practice rooom. They tell her that Quinn’s knocked up, and that Finn is the father. 

Then, she slaps Finn and calls him out for being a grade-A prick. She tells him that she isn’t afraid of her feelings, but clearly he is. She’s out of Glee again. Rachel runs to Sue and tells her that she wants back in on Cabaret, but only if she has carte blanche in artistic direction. Sue gives her the OK, and operation Tear Glee Apart is back on course.

But, the show must go on, as New Directions (the actual name of the Glee club which I somehow missed all this time) has its first live performance. Sans Rachel, the group still gives a hell of a performance of Carrie Underwood’s “Last Name” and the crowd goes wild. April is drunk (duh!) but still sings her little behind off. But, a promise is a promise, (and Kristin Chenoweth is a guest star, after all) so Will thanks her for her time, but sends her on her way. April gives a lovely little monologue about how it felt to be back on stage again, to relive the glory of the good old days, and you can’t help but be happy for her. Even me!

It’s the right decision, but also leaves the Gleeks stranded for Act Two, with no lead vocalist in sight. That is, until, Rachel shows up. She tells the group that being the star never felt as good as being their friend, which is equally cheesy and kind of perfect. She gets in costume just in time, and gives an awesome performance of Queen’s “Somebody to Love”.

Most unexpected about this episode is me rooting for Finn and Rachel. They’re both mostly annoying, but I can’t help it. Look how cute! Maybe I’ve just gone soft or something.

Okay, Glee. Five episodes in and you’ve finally got something right. Stick to it, please, because this was actually good stuff.

GLEE

1X04- Preggers

This episode is a perfect example of Glee not knowing what it wants to be. The first three episodes were campy and fun (still not my style, per se) and then this one is an after school special. So is it a campy show with serious moments? Or a serious show with campy moments? Arguments can be made for both sides, but either way it just feels a little forced in this episode. Bothersome.

00:00:28 seconds in, and I’m already incredibly annoyed by “Preggers”. I’m sorry, I don’t think this is doing wonders for normalizing homosexuality. Why does the prominent gay character have to have literally every stereotype that gay men have been ascribed? It’s incredibly frustrating. I have the tendency to think maybe this reaction is a personal one—self-repressed homophobia lurking out of its corner—but I really don’t think that’s the case. I’m happy to see a gay teen on television; I just think it’s super unfortunate that the creators of the show have turned him into a laughing stock. Like, the Beyonce dance? Really?!

We also meet Kurt’s dad, Burt (clever!), that guy from Yes, Dear. He plays a pretty large part in this episode, and by pretty large part, I mean painful to watch. Apparently, this performance earned actor Mike O’Malley a Primetime Emmy nom for Guest Actor, which only goes to show that the Emmys are a joke of epic proportions. But more on Burt/Kurt later. 

This bitch finally spills the beans on her fake pregnancy, and asks her equally annoying sister what to do. They make these kinds of faces at each other for a minute and a half, ACTUALLY A MINUTE AND A HALF. I want to die.

Rachel’s pissed because she doesn’t get to sing lead vocals on a West Side Story tune, so she skips on Glee. Noticing a crack in the Glee foundation, Sue and Sandy hatch a plan to cast Rachel as the lead in Cabaret, and thus dismantle Glee once and for all! Trite, thy name is GLEEEEEEE. Why is this a plot?! I don’t care!!! Either way, she kills the audition and gets the part of Sally Bowles. 

Kurt joins the football team to try and prove that he is straight, but still forces the coach to play “Single Ladies” during practice. Surprisingly, Kurt’s a damn good kicker, and he becomes a part of the team, so long as he can have his music! Don’t care? Yeaaaaa. 

I KNEW DIS BITCH WAS GONNA BE PREGGERS. Didn’t I call that in the first post? Whenever there’s a celibacy club, and if that celibacy club has a president, pregnancy always ensues. It’s the oldest plot point in the book. Way to go, Glee. And then, even more retarded, Finn thinks its his baby, even though they’ve never had sex! Quinn reminds Finn of that time he “arrived early” in the hot tub, and his face is one of horror. Again, this is a high-schooler. I mean, is there an episode coming up where we learn he’s at least a little slow?

I mean, must I say anything else? Does this picture not speak for itself or something?

And then we learn that the baby is Puck’s! “I had sex with you because you got me drunk on wine coolers and I was feeling fat that day.” Puck’s all, my daddy was a deadbeat but I ain’t gonna be, and Quinn’s all, you’re a loser, and I’m all, somebody shoot me in the kneecap.

Quinn runs to her car in the rain, and suddenly Terri is in her passenger seat. The plot thickens as Terri offers to “help”. What Quinn doesn’t know is that Terri’s definition of help includes a plan to Steal. Her. Baby. RUN GIRL. 

At the big hometown game, Beyonce comes to the team’s rescue again, and Kurt makes the winning point. The team parades him around the field, the audience screams, Burt is all filled up with pride, and I’m thinking of dropping a blender into the bathtub.

And then, after wiping off the war paint and unclogging his pores, Kurt comes out to Burt. Shockingly, Burt already had his suspicions. #didn’tweall #thiswasawasteofanepisode #arewesupposedtobetouched #touchyourself

GLEE